The Royal Visit

Friday morning we had an important mission to accomplish. Collect friendship royalty from San Jose airport, the main airport in Costa Rica. We were beside ourselves with the excitement at the prospect of having our first guest come and share this paradise with us. Sarah has been a great friend and colleague of Daniela’s for a long time, and I consider her amongst my closest friends now. So it was a very happy day for us when we woke that day.

Her flight didn’t land until 5pm so we had plenty of time to get there. It is a four and a half hour journey up the Nicoya peninsular and back down again on the mainland side. The journey starts on pretty shitty roads for about 25km a real test for Marissa. She has really developed extra rattles now. We had another of those, now expected, police checkpoint stops and the predictable interest in what is in my tobacco tin. “No it’s just tobacco, those days are long gone sir!” They seem to be obliged to ask if you have any drugs. It’s like those immigration forms on aeroplanes asking have you ever been a terrorist or been involved in terrorist activity? Obligatory, might as well ask these sorts of questions but not ones you answer in the affirmative. I wonder if anyone ever does?

We got to San Jose hours early. Daniela likes to be early and had planned a lovely stop at the biggest shopping precinct we have seen since San Salvador. We all need a little shopping therapy, well, she does. I just glaze over and laugh inside at the stereotypes, the pouty collagen lips, the ripped and tattooed poseurs, it all just amuses me now. But not enough to keep my interest for any longer than a microsecond. I’m done. But I tag along and enjoy her enthusiasm. As long as she is happy is all that matters to me. We got the first decent coffee we have had for ages. Our standards have had to slip quite considerably in Central America. But not that that’s a bad thing, I have never understood why we are so happy to pay so much for a cup of coffee anyway. 

Then onto Walmart and a few essential supplies, gin and tequila, before we headed to the airport to greet HRH, who, like us, drinks like a fish.

She arrived after a 12 hour flight from Paris, a little bedraggled as is usually the case after long flights, not her in particular, though she did look a little weary, sorry Sarah, I mean anybody is bedraggled after sitting in a pressurised tube at 30000 feet for 12 hours. Just look at the crisp packets? What bowels look like after prolonged pressurisation makes me judder. But the wind, oh the glorious farts after a long flight. They sometimes make the whole tiresome journey worth the effort.

Anyway, she was a long time coming out of the arrivals gate and it turns out she was stopped and searched by the customs officials and had a packet of our prized arborio rice confiscated! Contraband. Our mule was rumbled.

I will explain. We had ordered loads of goodies to be delivered to her in England so that she could bring an extra suitcase full of delights for us. Essential things that you cannot get here. It had been like Christmas every day for her for weeks. Strange parcels containing all manner of unusual things. Rice, as I said, (now in the hands of a customs official, I can imagine the guard right now tucking into a fine risotto. Bastard!), instrument leads and audio equipment, herbs, spices, tampons (tampons don’t exist here, at all. It’s all pads. I know nothing about womanly things, well very little, but it all sounds very problematic) new phone screens, all kinds of stuff.

Why rice is contraband? I have no idea but considering all the other stuff  in the suitcase I think this should have been the least of their worries. For instance, a musical gadget easily resembling an IED with internal wires and circuits and everything! If I was a customs official casually glancing at the X-ray thingy it would certainly have raised my interest, and demanded closer investigation. I pictured the conveyor belt on The Generation Game. A toiletry bag,  some fine bikinis, a cuddly toy, a hairdryer, an Improvised Explosive Device, a packet of arborio rice…”Stop. Sorry madam you can’t have that, rice is not allowed”, various spices,  352 tampons, (each possibly stuffed full of cocaine by a pre pubescent Colombian) , I mean, that’s a hell of a lot of nicely packaged cocaine? But obviously rice is far more risky in the eyes of customs officials here? 

Anyway. Back to the story. Sarah is an organiser. I mean a real mother of organisation but if you travel half way round the world for one week you aught to fill the time efficiently? And she certainly did that, there was even a spreadsheet. Ever since we started this whole driving through Central America thing I don’t think we have once done anything touristy. We didn’t plan anything and just improvised our days. But we both really enjoyed our first day with Sarah. It was a whistle stop tour of all the places she wanted to visit and experience. And, though brilliant, it was extremely full on. I am still tired now four days later!

From La Chosa Hotel at Fortuna, a place we stayed the first night, I wouldn’t recommend it, we were kept awake by a collagen lipped bimbo on her phone at 2 am and I had to have a forceful word with her which was possibly my best Spanish yet! Maybe I should get angry more often, at least she understood me and shut the fuck up for the rest of the night. Mind you, I scare myself sometimes. We headed for coffee in the town. Always the first activity of the day. And we were served by a girl who was a dead ringer for Sandra Bullock! I mean quite uncannily similar in my opinion though Daniela said she had unfortunately inherited all of her worst features. She can be mean. I wondered why the hell she wasn’t making a fortune as a lookalike rather than working for minimum wage in a coffee shop in Fortuna, a bland tourist hub of a town where cockroaches go to die. But life is full of unfortunate choices I guess?  

And then on to Catarata Rio Fortuna waterfall. It’s a very touristy place but well worth the entry fee. You walk down 500 steps to the river and the base of a huge waterfall. We all wore our swimming cozzies, those weren’t confiscated from Sarah luckily, and went in. It was cold but really refreshing, I could have stayed there for hours wallowing in the chilly water watching the fish but there were an awful lot of people so we decided to head back up the 500 steps! 

Then it was on to the exact opposite. A hot river! This was back along the road a way and free to anyone who was willing. It was a little hike to get there but so worth it. One minute we were chilling in an icy river, the next we were lounging in a hot one? Bizarre. People had made pools using the volcanic stones lying about and you could sit in one of these sipping a beer or venture into the main river which I preferred. It kind of pummels you with a hot torrent. Very refreshing. 

Then it was onto the Arenal volcano. We payed to enter the park and started a walk up the volcano but unfortunately the weather turned and we decided not to get soaked, bit of a waste of money but, hey, we are on holiday now. Who cares. Must have walked at least a kilometre anyway. Far more than Daniela usually walks in a month.

On our way back we took the route around Lake Arenal. This is a beautiful man-made reservoir supplying water to the whole of Guanacaste. It is very pretty. We stopped at a micro brewery hotel which had a beautiful view over the lake. The food was excellent though I wasn’t too fond of the pineapple beer, bit of an oxymoron if you ask me. The food was excellent and very well presented. A very nice lunch stop.

After this we headed to Monteverde and the cloud rainforest. Up, up and more up til we hit the clouds and the rain. We had a beautiful apartment to ourselves and after such a hectic day couldn’t wait to shower and get to bed. But, no, Sarah had one more activity up her sleeve.

A night walk in the forest. Now this, even though we were all shattered, lived up to our expectations. The guide was very knowledgeable and we got to see a very poisonous snake, loads of insects, some disguised as moss. How the guide spotted them I have no idea. I was convinced they were placed there and weren’t even real. We saw a red kneed tarantula, wow. But towards the end I have to say we were flagging a bit so back to the apartment and sleep at last. What a day. 

After a late breakfast it was off to the cloud forest. Up, up and more up. But the weather held and it was a very lovely 3km walk through the trails. We didn’t see much wildlife but the forest was beautiful. 

The drive back down the mountain was pretty terrifying with the most torrential rain I have ever driven in. I couldn’t even see the road at times even though the wipers were on full blast. I had to rely on the sat nav to tell me what was happening. Add to this the fact that roads are very badly maintained here, potholes as deep as the wheels and the damage from regular landslides. But we did eventually get through the downpour and drove all the way back to our pad in Coyote. It was lovely to share it with someone. Though Sarah seemed a little underwhelmed by the monkeys. She must have seen a few in her time. Maybe even dated some?

The next day was more relaxing thank goodness. Breakfast at our hotel down the road, empty as usual, on to the beaches, into town to get some supplies, dinner at the hotel again and then back for some more R&R on the terrace at home.

We were going to drive the next day down to Curu Wildlife Refuge and return the same day but Daniela had the great idea of booking a cabin on the refuge and then driving the next day to the ferry. Sarah is only here for seven days! Long way to travel for that short a time but that made us feel special. So we did that.

Curu is wonderful. We had been before but only for a few hours. It is pretty, pristine and untouched. Wildlife is abundant, deer, iguana, monkeys and even scorpions. Daniela took a sting from a tiny one but it didn’t affect her much. Tough girl. I would have been wimpering like a fool. Had a lovely walk along a trail and saw monkeys. But the cabin was kind of special, metres from an incredible and isolated beach. Hermit crabs everywhere and the sea was calm and swimmable unlike the pacific side. 

In the afternoon the rain came in. Lots of it. That’s how it happens here in the rainy season. Dry in the morning, wet in the late afternoon. It’s quite predictable. The tin roof of the cabin made it extremely noisy, but we played cards and applied more and more Deet to combat the obligatory mosquitoes (paradise comes with small print). It was fun, kind of like camping in the jungle really. We had dinner at the retreat as it was too far and too much effort to leave. And had a pretty sleepless night due to the drip, drip, drip on the steel roof!

It is Wednesday now as I write this and we are conscious that Sarah leaves on Friday so we are at present on the ferry across to the mainland where we have booked an all inclusive hotel. I have never done one of these and, being British, if it’s free I will be filling all my orifices with whatever they have going. I think there are five swimming pools and seven bars and a games room and a gym and all that stuff. So, as you can imagine, I am quite excited to try everything except the Gym of course, that’s far too energetic for me. Besides I have had a busy week. Thanks Sarah.